but still i have something to say .

its THIRD today :)

:)

hey , i know what i promised . i know i said i'll keep on waiting .

but who knows until when . im already on my pinky , hanging.

she's nice . she's better for you . i can see . i knoww so .

it sucked . but who cares . you're being happy . thats all it matters .

so if i break that one huge promise , which obviously you wont mind , im sorry .

but hi hot spideykidd , last long with her okay dearest ? :)

xoxo .

its already the second month . not being alone .

but just without you fourth

hey , i know what it feels like .

i am you remember ? i know those shit you went through .

i know what every single tear drop represents or infact whom is it for .

i know it felt like ouch .

but dont worry . i know youve been trying .

i know . i can see .

you'll get through the pain . maybe not now . not yet . but i promise you its soon

have you ever get caught up in situation when yknow you have to move on ,

but . you're afraid that when you did ,

he might just come back or you'll miss the opportunity of having him back .

eventhough you know there's not a slightest chance .

im in that situation now .

have been and still am .

hi . to any of you related to amri and fadhli and reading this .

hah , obviously if you read this then you are related .

read this good .

im no bitch okay . ohwait . let me rephrase .

maybe i am a bitch . but i dont go stealing your precious guys okay .

not planning to .

i admit . maybe ive always been smsing them .

hey dyou want to check my contacts ?

i can assure you that there's only sinansari girl's , deenah's , fadh's , amri's contacts .

so if you dont know me , im the type of girl or would people rather call slut .

who loves to mix around with guys more .

soyeahthen . thats why i kept smsing them .

walaupun i know they malas nak layan . i know .

but dont worry okay .

everything i smsed are nothing personal . unless it is to them .

maybe i am still hoping for fadhli back again .

but i dont go ruining people's happiness .

i really dont . thats not me . i really know where i stand .

thats why now . im trying not to sms them at all .

its hard . it sucked . but its for the best .

cos i would rather being the only one hurting,

rather than a chain reaction of people being upset .

okay . maybe youre thinking :

"bile kau dengan fadh , kau nak amri balik .

bile amri taknak kau . fadh dah tinggalkan kau ,

baru nak merayu kat fadh ? -.-"

hi . are you thinking like that ?

ohyes . maybe some of you would . even myself think that you would .

here . let me clear it out for you .

ohwait . old blog deleted . pfsht . kay .

here i tell you . i dont understand why you people still think i want amri back .

on 22nd june 2010 ,

i realised . being amri's friend is way much better than being his girlf .

double confirm ! try . then you'll know .

during my time with amri , i was proud cos he was mine .

dont get me wrong . i was proud when fadh's mine too .

but when i was fadh , there was a time when i was still proud of amri .

yknow when someone's your ex , they would be sarcastic about your current relationship .

or ignore you at all .

but amri hamzah bin zahman didnt .

infact he was being sweet talking about me and fadh .

he's a nice awesome guy .

but no . he doesnt want to have anything to do with me anymore .

hi . as you all know . im still not over that guy .

girls . you should understand better .

guys . just read okay ?

no . im not desperate .

yes . all my posts in every accounts are meant for him .

dont you all know how it felt to be left ?

to be hated by someone you still loving and needing most ?

dont you all understand ?

newtown was once so close to me . maybe because of the guys i know there .

but . i got to know newtown from abang . then to diniy . then to fadh .

then to amri . then back to fadh again .

yes . me and fadh knew each other since back then .

but since fadh left for real this time .

it seems like everyone else . newtown is like a stranger to me now .

honestly , i lebih rapat to newtown then my own sch friends okay .

how sad . when you were once so close to someone ,

everyone seemed to know you .

when the person left ., it was asif you were invisible .

hmmm ... lumrah hidup .

korang . or sesiape .

i , dian atiqah , tak berniat nak lukakan hati sesiape .

tak berniat nak sakitkan hati sesiape . tak terfikir pun .

yknow , i wanted to move on but its hard . i dont know maaan .

maybe i already did but i just dont realise it ?

but the way im talking now , doesnt seem like it .

i dont know . all parts of me are numb . i dont even know how should i feel now .

i miss being able to talk or even pandang at any of the newtowners .

dulu , i see one , i'll smile .

but now . rasa takut . awkward . and this thought :

"siape ku nak gawul ngan dorang pun?"

everytime it happens . at home . in school . during studies . or even in facebook .

my insecurities are obvious now .

korang . just one favour i ask .

dont take fadh away from me :( please ?

i knew him since primary sch . had been quite close . he's like a bestf to me .

had a crush on him since then, thrice .

had him and lost him as both bestf and boyf .

so now that we are just friends . dont take him away please .

it happened once . and i cried so hard .

cos he was my bestf when he damned me from his life .

but he came back . as my boyf . and now he's gone again . i did cry .

till today , there's still tears for him .

he's like the only guy friend i cried for when i lost him . hais those times .

please korang :( ian dah takde tempat nak mengadu :(

please tell him i miss him .

thankyou for time .

ive decided to remove evrything that'll remind me of him .

but that doesnt mean ive move on or have i ? idk :)

Fadh theSpideykidd forever tattooed in my heart :)

he'd made me stronger . he'd made me feel awesome .

he'd be the bestest boyf any girl would ever had . cause this guy , his AWESOME :)

yes , we had our moments . but that doesnt mean those moments must stop :)

syahirah ,

im sorry . yknow what i meant by that . thankyou .

fadh ,

you're awesome . friends ? like for real this time ?

no hate . no lies . no vulgarities definitely .

yeah i know it'll be irritating the times when i texted .

buuuuuuuuuuuuutttttt .........,

the first two person i'll text when i need a friend is you or amri je . sorry .

hey . not saying im falling for another .

not saying im falling for the same . also not saying im falling for the past ones .

well , pepandai korang ehyk nak dapat tawu :)

even though its not the fourth ,

i still have a poem for you which i want to post on the fourth but ,

i dont think i will be online on that day :/

so , here it goes :

you said forever ,

and i believed .

you said you will never ,

but you did leave .

you promised me someday,

but your love had faded away .

but i will still stay ,

till that someday .

till the day you put the ring around my finger ,

oh mister , dyou remember ? :(

its still kinda incomplete though :/

hm . kay . will improvise more .

muhd fadhli , i missyou so much . :'(

currently listening to that should be me - justin bieber .

baby , how it implies to what i want to say now :'(

please tell me all i want to know :'( please :'(

i can go on my knees for you . i sucked in love :'(

fyl big time dian .

muhd fadhli . i missed you alott .

yeah , now all i have are my Sinansari Sahmura girls . but i have no you to cry on . to lean on . to hug . no you to make me laugh everyday when i got home . no you to text . no one to text infact . no you to make me smile whe i receive a text msg . no you at all now :'( im sure you're happy . with her . being happy together . i know . i can imagine it . im glad . i know i should be happy . but whenever i thought of it , i'll picture the two of you laughing at my face . and saying "in your face bitch !" . ugh . its sad . :'( its always been sad whenever i talked about you nowadays . since that day actually .

muhd fadhli . yknow on monday 14th March . ive been crying alot about you . missed you so much . its been so long . and im yearning to be in your arms again like soon :'(but . like i said . will never happen . and when i was going home from dance , i cried to the girls on how i missed you so much . infront of the cityvibe . really sosomuch . and at that point of time , i also did tell amri that i missed you . and by an unexpected chance , when we were buying bubble tea , you all walked in when i was standing right infront of the entrance . one thing i was confuse about . did i smile at you ? did i ? i thought i was . but i also didnt think i did :/ when you walked right pass , i swear , i swear i couldnt breathe . i really felt like breaking down that instant , infront of you with my ugly face . but . i dont think you would bother even if i did . it hurts . alot :'( so instead , i went outside . let the public see my ugly face instead of you . weird right . cos i didnt want you to see that im still hoping for you . cos i know . inside that little heart of yours , there's only room for one precious person :'( which is not me . another weird thing . it hurts alot . but why do i still have to see you on the morning of 15th March ? :'( its cos we live in the same area i know . no matter how hard we try to avoid each other , there would be a time when we still have to see each other faces . ouch :'( i know was looking down the whole time . again , i did cry when i was at the traffic light . again it hurts . again i didnt think you cared :'(

dear fadhli , yes , im really affected and still being affected now . because i love you . i am still loving you . why ? i dont know . why cant i let go ? i dont know . cos iloveyou sosomuch . really . i cant just let go like that . i know i did say that maybe someday i wont be in your future . but .. didnt expect that we'd really seperate :'( the words you said when you wanted a break are still stuck in my head . and justnow when i saw wan . he reminds me of you :'( he was always there when we hung out tgther . and he made me scared again saying "datanglah" . rmmbr ? when he said that , i felt you hugs . covering my ears :'( bby , i swear i miss those times . i missed you :'( please . cant i have you back ? :'(

mrfourth :'( i want you back :'(

dyou feel me ? dyou know how much it hurts when you treat me like this ?

dyou know how it sucked knowing that you were once mine , but you dumped me just for her . why dyou have to do all this ? why cant you justtell me that you dont love me anymore and that you set you had your heart on someone else? why dyou have to go through all the shit just so you could have her ? i couldve made it easier for you . and i know im already no one to you . infact nothing at all . dont have to tell me . i know . but i still have feelings too . im a human . i didnt scold you vulgarities all shit so you dont have to do that to me . i know where i stand . for all i know now , im hoping for something , infact someone , that obviously wouldnt return . but i dont mind . it makes me hppy . somtimes .

yknow i didnt expect that you would do this to me . always thought you will always be the nicest guy and we would last till ten years . always been scared tht i would be the one who treats you like this .

buut ..., well , i dont know who to blame . cos currently , im blaming myself .

and fyi back at ya , you are no the same as amri .

when we're together , you are way much better than him .

in terms of breakup , you really really crushed my little heart .

and yeah , im punishing myself for it .

one big blow for my fragile heart . gee thanks .

if you're reading this , please tell me you read it kay . text .

yknow , i seriously feel like trash . what am i to you ?

why do you have to do this now ? whyy ?

muhd fadhli , i really loved you . why now ? why did you have to go ?

ibu even allow us . i dont understand why .

fine , i'll take it as you dont love me anymore kay .

if you wanna hate me go on . like you said , no one can stop me from loving you .

yes , i wont stop loving you . i wont give up . i promise .

and yknow i keep it . each of them . why cant you ? :'(

disappointing really . where's my first year ? where's my ten years ?

where's the guy who ii wanna marry ? :'(

all gone now right ?

and it is obvious that you wont come back right ? :'(

tell me is there another girl in your mind now ?

honestly , truth may hurt , but it'll be better .

most people should know by now . not from my mouth . dont know about him .

but , its all gone now :'(

yes , Mr Fourth aka Spideyykidd aka hot guy aka prince charming , Muhd Fadhli , 040610 ,

all gone now :'(

dont ask me why . i dont know myself . im not sure . didnt want to be sure .

its sad . its really is .

dear you ,

i nak tanye .

why actually ? the actual reason ?

dyou still love me now ? are you really stressed ?

you'd always say we could work this out but no , you suddenly ask for it :'(

you told me your reasons . but .

here is what i thought .

i dont think youre that stressed . i think you just making it as an excuse .

tell me , did you lost your love for me ? is that the reason why ?

you have to tell me yknow . its still a fact that i will try to accept.

please fadh , i was made like this before . i dont want to bekept in thedark again .

cara you ngan amri quite the same taw . i scared, really am .

seeing other malay girls really make me worry .

what if im hoping for something that'll never return again ?

fadh please tell me honestly . better yet . tell me face to face when i could trust you .

i dont want to have false hope anymore :'(

istillwillloveyouMrFourth :'(

nice kaan ? it was asif abang was looking at me and fadh :)

so nice . padahal gambar niek dipetik untuk tengok rambut die -.-

but very sweet . imiss being with my boyf :'(

i suke sangat gmbr couple niek ♥

most of all , ilove this guy so freaking much :D ♥♥♥♥

it was our EIGHTH last two days . hm .

previous month didnt go that well and better yet a day before our eighth i kinda , hm ..., takpe je luh kay .

yang sudah tu sudah kan sayang ? :)

i hope this month will be a better moth for us sayang .

and iloveyou like soso much and right now , i swear by looking at your pics , i nak cry :(

imissyou luhh :(((( somuch :(

andand bie , we're all out of pictures of you and me being tgthr :(

i nak lagi .

i pity you dah tired . so i cut short :p

selamat malam sayang :)

i sayang you sesangat like always :)

rindu you like maut right now :(

i sayang 040610 ♥

just got back from camp .

and guess what ? its my last camp in CTSS :(( so sad .

but atleast ive prety much enjoyed it :)

two stuffs i enjoyed very the much ; Salsa and Nighthike .

AWESOME MUCH .

atfirst , i was excited+nervous as i heard that we had to partner guys and the instructors will pair us up .

and worse was , earlier , Rakesh had booked me to dance with him .

i was like , wth -.- im dead .

but then soon after dancing with him , i got the hang of it , and i enjoyed it and , whoah , Rakesh can carry my weight . wow !

haha , totally enjoyed Salsa-ing . felt like wanting to join their Salsa lessons . best .

for the first time in every other camps or sch activities , 5A2 finally bonded like hell lot .

it was fun to be united .

and when preparing for the mrt challenge , we got to know who was our class alumni facilitator .

he's cute . he has dimples. and owns a tattoo at his biceps .

i asked him for his name and he said McKnight , i didnt believe as i want his real name ,

atlast he admitted he was Darren .

and so after that it was my turn to play hard for him to get my name . HAHA !

telling him i was miley gave out that everyone's name i said was a lie XD

how cute is he .

as i carried the haversack which contains food and drink ration the whole time ,

everyone kept worrying and kept asking me if im okay .

its weird . the bag was not that heavy for me okay . it was normal . honestly .

the walk was damn freaking long and far and scary and tiring + alott of steps .

mostly scary as it was dark and 12am+ and before that Darren told us alott of ghost stories . haha ! thanks to him lo .

then we reached sch at 4+-5 .

me aini and jinmei wanted to shower , but as we scared it will get crowded , so we decided to bathe at eight .

we went back to class to get ready for sleep .

eight of the girls slept on the tables which they made into a big rectangle .

while i slept on the teachers desk :D special case right ? somemore got personal fan eventhough its switched off :p

me and aini couldnt get to sleep until around 6+ but surprisingly wokeup at 7 .

so since we woke up alrdy , we went to shower lo . the water was freezing cold .

after shower , we still had two and half hours left to spend time before breakfast which was at ten .

we loitered awhile , lie down on our tables and unknowingly fell asleep for 10minutes .

after breakfast was our alumni talk .

for the first time when someone gave a speech , i didnt feel sleepy . cos it was quite meaningful .

"Would you pick that S$100 note if its crushed, stepped and soaked in muddy water?

hello sayang , dahdah , jangan mrajuk , blogging about us kayy ? hahah !

now you must pujuk cos lastlast i must blog myself . hmphf . :P

haha , iloveyou baby .

our SEVENTH is coming . whoah , and its the first day of school. hmm ....

i hope things really goes well on that and wont make any of us spoil our mood :)

im sorry im gonna have to ditch malay dance .

ilovemyboyf too yknow , and im dying to meet him really :(

i want his hugs and kisses , imisshimsomuch .

kay i dah tatawu want to write ape lagi . heheh :p

iloveyou MR FOURTH , Spideykidd , hot guy , Prince handsome :))))

ps : MUHD FADHLI BIN ALI forever mine ♥

hello . its been so long since i blogged :)

i like the picture above , cos my fringe looks nice and lookie ! boyf's neckie ! :D

imisshim really :(

its been one week since we met :(

i know we live near , buuuuuuttt ...,

i dont really have the ticket to step outside yknow .

but im alrright with it . i hope he is too :/

well 2010 is over so i hope 2011 will be abetter year *fingercrossed*

let the bygones be bygones . bear that in mind people :)

maybe because of one particular guy .

well , imma talk about him .

i hope boyf and all wont mind me saying all this .

AMRI HAMZAH .

this guy had change my live and made big impact on it .

tenth march 2010 , was the day finally i fell really in love and was on cloud nine evry single day .

but when he left , i really felt useless .

but looking back ,

hey , aint that bad , he made me stronger now .

i got over him , and living happily with my life with my boyf who's his bestf :)

who say we cant date our ex boyf's bestf ? im proving to you that we can .

and we even last ! :D

so , amri , eventhough sometimes i may think about you and adiks may talk about you ,

we miss you really ,

but this phrase 'aw , he got someone who's not like me at all , so why care?' made me got through all that .

so im not at lost here amri , you are :)

and let me remind you , your bestf is far , far much more better than you and ilovehim :D

so buhbye 2010 , buhbye past memories that will always live in my heart and will always be cherish . appreciated the efforts of people who made me smile , made me strong , guided me through evrything and made my life worthwhile :) iloveyouall , ilovemylife , ilovemyboyf , iloveAllah . thankyou for the life youve given me :')

besides , no one's here to listen so , hm .

cinta , it has alrdy been THREE days ! + another one in half an hour time :))

anyway 1 ade berita besar nak beritahu awak !

tentang si die tu ! :))

im happy + sad + angry + happy ! muwahahaha !

i threaten that tall guy lorr :p teehee XD evil right me ? i like ! :DDD

cinta ! come home like , Q . U . I . C . K . ! .

HEHEHE ! :))

anyway , dear sweet little girl ,

ibu had been talking about you lately .

please come back to my side again :(

kaykay . today must sleep early .

tmrw gotta wake up early and go out ! :)))

kay so , today will be the first day of uus trip and i alrdy miss her and need to talk to her :((

saya sedih :(

will keep on counting down sayang :)

andand , i just realise ,

on the day of our boyf's match , you still wont be back :(

thats sad :(((

so , the whole day was actually okay .

iloveandmissmyboyf :(:

and bile dah tibe malam .,

i saw something , somewhere , someone ,

that i dont want to see .

tell me , issit that hard to understand me ?

i tired of telling . hm .

bye .

p.s; cinta , please stay safe ? meloveyou :)

22nd November 2010 , 6.08am

my message to cinta ;

aw.., youre going off later :(

takde temaaan ... :((

but nehmind , gonna perservere 8days aite ? shall countdown .

aniways , when youre there , jage diri taw cinta .

dont go with strangers , and stick with your friends and teachers ..

sorry if i sound so like what , tapi tak biase uh teman go overseas :(

i risau so the alott . so yeah , takecares cinta .

bring soft toys , bring snacks , bring evrything that makes you at home .

dont worry too much about evrything else ,

just focus and enjoy on what you got to do over there kayy baby ? iloveyou .

taking the very caring alott . kak dian dah risau :(

come back the quick quick taw ! tkcrs taw !

22nd November 2010 , 6.18am

cinta's reply ;

aww you made me cry for a whilethere baby !

im vvv super duper touched ! (':

gonna miss you there !

terima kasih sbb risaukan !

my close friend rbk ahk ! ade jgk kak dian tersyg nie yg ambil peduli !

anyways thankyou !

sanggup text me pagi2 !

i love you lots cinta !

first person i'd text would be you okae love !

sayang kamu sesangat sangat :D

aww , sweet kaan ? teehee :))

tapi sorry ehyk cinta , kak dian dah tertidur alik uh time tu :p hehhehe !

sayang kamu sesangat , saya akan menunggu msg kamu :))

been msging , chatting with her alott lately :)

and thats quite fun .

atleast there's someone to accompany me through sms :D

sayang kamu cinta :))

bby , today , imma talk about you . and hopefully you will read this post okay ?

cos lately ive been having troubles telling you what i feel .

and have been keeping evrything to myself .

it hurts dear :(

i dont really know what i want or need to say here . but i'll give it a try .

i'll say evrything out . dont get mad . tell me where i go wrong .

here it goes ;

dear you ,

lately , can you see things have not been working out .

the whole week last week things have not been working out .

im not sure why . but it all lies in me sayang . i know that .

see , alott of things went through my mind .

like , whats going happen to us , you or me .

how or when issit gonna end or will it ever end .

bby , i got alott of things to say .

i want to talk to you . need to .

really need to :'(

imissyouboyf . even if you're with me . i still do .

evry seconds of not being with you , im afraid .

im afraid that i'll lose you somehow :'(

bby , we need to talk , badly :'(

iloveyou .

dah lame kite tak blog ye ? :p

heheh , sorry uh , kite rajin bloghop tapi malas nak blog eventhough there's an urge :)

lately , kite saaayaaang hidup kita kayy :)))

anyway , been contacting dear uus and we talked alott !

previous sunday , we wanted to meet up and gossip more at their soccer match .,

but sadly , it was raining with lightning and thunder , so the match was cancelled :(

but thanks for the tissues yeah cinta ? :))) heh , shall meet next time during december :D

but yknow , since that sunday , things havent been going that well lor ,

nevermind . dont want talk about it .

iloveyouboyf ♥♥♥♥♥ :D

now , im kinda like disappointed and hurt .

like what have i done wrong ?

why you asked me go away but part dania kau thanks sayang ?

yknow girl , i dont want lose you .

have been trying my best to keep in touch with you

but evrytime i talk to you , surely you will push me away .

why uh ? sakit taw ati :'((

hais . tatawu luh ehyk .

you people come and go as and when you like ,

have you ever thought aout my feelings? :'(

pape luh .

lumrah hidup . yeah .

selamat malam . will blog again dont know when .

sorry yeah frequent visitors :)

anyway , our relationship is FIVE months old , heheh !

ilovemyboyfmuchmuch ♥

well ive been quite lazy :) hehs .

so ...., whats the haps this few days huh ?

actually , not much :)

im dying at home people .

please , anyone got a workplace to offer me ?

damn , need to find BUCKS !

all out of it :(

and wan planned to go double date and watch Megamind :D

but im all dried out , so how how ? hm ....

i want to go on the double date though :(

so currently , i tumblr-ing .

and boyf and wan is at the multipurpose hall below , making scary noises -.-''

haha , imisshimsomuch :( haiyo !

bie , when can i get FIFTY kisses ? on our FIFTH caaan ? :)))

hahahaha !

loveyou :D

damn im craving for iced horlicks and a chocolate bar ! :(

so will , blog with this last few minutes of mine :)

last week had been wild .

two quarrels with boyf in two straight days .

to boyf and whoever is readin ; i dont really like confrontations . sorry :)

so , sunday went to watch their soccer match at NUS .

spent almost the whole day with boyf and them :))

very awesome .

and boyf said he counted the number of kisses he gave t me on our way home , SEVENTEEN TIMES :D

and we wanted to make it FIFTY times the next time ♥

second post !

WOW riiiigghhtt ?? yeaah ! :P hahahah !

so , basically today went out for jobhunt with NADDkeaii .

fetch her and went back to her crib .

calling calling toysrus , tapi dorang carik 17 , ugh !

so , fikir punya fikir , called Wan cos actually kite dah memang plan nak cari keje same same :)

tapi punya luh binget kite pompan buat hal sndri kat blakang -.-''

buatpe sehy ajak gytuk .

first stop was cafe near masjid , i didnt want it , so they went in .

second was pizza hut at clementi .

since the guys had registered ystrdy , me and nad took the form .

and we took like almost half an hour to fill it up . hahah .

once again , laki laki tatawu duduk diam . dorang menghilang .

after filling up , we were told to come back around two plus ,

so , we went seven eleven to buy instant cup noodle and gulp ,

and thats when we saw a group of newtowners and hafiz .

and seriously , hate that girl tothemax , okay !?

masih anak abu ye ? jangan nak step mane punya besar ! BIATCH !

ugh .

went to skygarden , and saw ZUHAIR . and a group of rude peitong boys .

like whatthehell ! korang fikir korang mane punya besar uh !?

again , ugh .

soon after that HAWA came .

had a nice short chat . and went back to pizza hut .

saw Zuhair at the busstop , and decided to accompany him awhile .

had a nice chat with him too :)

then reached pizza hut when the guys are about to leave , as they were DAMN impatient -.-''

again i was fedup with them .

they asked me if i wanted to follow them to bukit batok , to find job again -.-''

i said no , and me and nad waited , patiently :D

and there he was , the manager .

interviewed . and went home .

but nadd went shopping for black shoe and socks with her mum :(

now i dont have shoe ! howw uhhh ??

its me ! with a new bloggie ! :DD

AWESOME riiight ??? heh .

because the previous posts had hurt my boyf . hmm ..

soryy boyf .

looook ! new BLOG ! :D heh

will try update frequently .

now very lazy :D heh .